Meeeeeeeeeee's Blog

my boys

November 6, 2011
1 Comment

My boys are doing so amazingly well,Robin may be on Jeremy Kyle this month as an inspirational child and the microcephaly awareness day was amazing such support shown.

My youngest still has problems walking his boots from the orthopedic at the hospital help a little the nightly physio on his feet and ankles are keeping his tendons supple his latest seizure meds which have been upped a little are fingers crossed working a little better so less seizures.The autistiuc part of him is a work in progress he is so bright,his nickname is Sheldon aka shelly bean (if you have seem big bang theory Sheldon character is so like him) the only issue that really seems to concern him at the moment and as a child who keeps on asking as once its on his mind he wont stop asking until he gets a suitable answer,it  is at the moment grandad can I see him? my dad passed away after his battle with cancer and he comprehends in a childlike way he can’t see grandad as he is in heaven.He is aware he has a mom and a dad who both have parents so he has another grandad a paternal one.

conversation goes something like this…

I..Can I see grandad.

Myself..Grandad is in heaven you remember.

I..I know,I mean my dads one.

Myself..hmm I will have to talk to them or your dad about it.

I..ok phone them,they can come to my house.

Myself..ok son I will see what I can do.

This conversation then was continued and brought up regularly and small few day intervals.

I..send my picture to grandad

Myself..err which grandad?

I..the one who isnt dead,whats his name? does he look like daddy or me? does he have a moustache like your dad?

(after lots of questions about him I couldnt answer..)

Myself..ok I will write to daddy and ask him to answer your questions.

I..ok you can phone him at work.

myself..he might be busy.

I..he might not be.

After a couple of months of these questions and him getting frustrated by my lack of being able to answer his questions and his father ignoring his sons plea for his help filling in the gaps (via my phone call and letter explaining his son requires his help support or input on questions he asked) I decided to go to the organ grinder not the monkey.I wrote to the grandparents saying basically the questions their grandson is asking and if they would fill in the blanks and Offered if they wish to see him as never have or contacted to ask the offer still stands.

His dad was phoned by a Third party to say as he was not being a help towards his son I had gone via his parents and wrote to them,he was not happy.But desperate times call for desperate measures.I recieved a letter a few days later stating until the night before they didn’t know we existed as their son knowing the letter was coming dropped the bomb shell.Ugh I felt bad as 1: what if they are really old shock is no good. 2:why would a father be ashamed of a child not wanting to share him with family.

I am still non the wiser on any details for my sons questions as his grandmother said let the shock sink in and will decide what they want at not to build on expectations also had my motives for bringing this to their attention questioned?

ok yes shock I agree but four months on no decision! Yes decided what they want,but shouldn’t it be as a young child what the child needs not a whats going to effect them as what harm is sending a young boy a christmas card or a birthday card or a trip for an hours drive in a car to see sports day nativity play.

questioning my motives..Shouldn’t they question how come their son hid pregnancy and birth and childs life from them,how didn’t they notice any character mood swings I know if my children are lying upset worried etc Why their son felt scared guilty or ashamed to talk to them.yes maybe their christian attitude to having a child out of wedlock was a factor,but surely rejecting a child is a greater sin.

 

 

 

 

 

 


My blog has been hijacked!

June 2, 2009
2 Comments

well I was going to do a post about the weekend of wonderment we had and also have to do a post on the lovely One nice blog award I’d so kindly recieved from midwife muse,but alas It will be put on hold as Robin as more pressing matters in hand.
Robin wants to help raise money for help for charity help for heroes to help raise money for our brave troops after some have got hurt or need therapy to help live a full active life after giving their all for us,as Robin has had therapy being special needs and having a disability so he knows how much better his life has been after getting the help and support.

He is asking his teacher at school if he can do something to raise money for help for heroes,and he is going to use my blog as well,the idea is that for this week on this post of his on my blog that each person who comments on it a pound will be donated to help for heroes.

ps:obviously there will be a cut off point as myself and his sister are helping him honour his promise to pledge the money.


holding things together without any glue

March 3, 2009
5 Comments

I really don’t know what is the matter with me today,normally whatever life throws at me I can cope with but today I can’t even my faith in god is shaken and I feel like he is too busy for me.
All I have done all day amongst being on auto pilot and doing the daily tasks is cry and I feel like nobody cares or wants to help or support me.
I don’t generally as a rule ask for help and support and it has taken me a while to learn to ask for help so pride swallowed I ask for some support and i’m expected to get on with things,I know in the scheme of universal things I’m not important but I really can’t cope at the moment,it’s just all too much for me.


my mind wonders and sometimes I loose it completely!

January 30, 2009
6 Comments

Today It has been all too much for me,the dr hadn’t sorted out the necessary paperwork properly or passed the information on to the health visitor,she thought oh a nice easy two year check up,she weighed him he has put his weight back on he had lost due to the medication a side effect is putting weight on,his height is average for a two year old.
She didn’t do any more tests as he has been refered to the child development centre as since he started having his seizures he has lost some previous skills that he had and is showing some autistic traits,which is all pointing towards lennox gastraux syndrome.The health visitor was oblivious to this as none of the drs in the surgery had informed her.various questions were asked does he sleep well,errm all depends if he has a seizure or two in the day then he sleeps nearly all day not so good at night if he has a night seizure or two then he has a broken nights sleep but has a lay in later.Oh I bet you don’t get much sleep *me* no as if he has a seizure I lay awake watching him and checking his breathing if he doesn’t have one I am listening out for him incase he does so don’t get a proper sleep,she said you need some support,so she has put him in a referal so he is in the system.Whilst this was being not sorted but I had to explain again medical history my phone went for the tenth time off Isaacs daddy as I’d not replied what was wrong and why I was upset via texts.I had told him I was too upset to talk to him at the moment which I think made him more determined to speak to me.
After a really horrible couple of days I really was emotional and trying my best to hold things together and thought talking to isaacs daddy wouldn’t do me any good as I’d take things the wrong way and he’d upset me.How wrong I was! he left me a voice mail after about the fifteenth time of phoning me and said I’ve tried contacting you all day as you know this will be my last today as can’t call again so I’ll phone tommorow.
I sat down with the children in the lounge and was chilling as best I could then my phone rang I didn’t recognise the number so I answered in case it was important,it was Isaacs daddy off his works mobile,he was quite frustrated as I’d not answered his phone calls and was worried about me and Isaac we had a chat about Isaacs medication and he agreed that if needed that the riskier option was what we should do for Isaac It was nice to get some input about isaac and a bit of support,he then asked me if I’d got Isaacs bed alarm I said no and he said he would buy one online and have it sent to my house so I could get a bit of sleep and I said because of his seizures in the supermarket and due to the fact that Isaac has lost a few skills since starting seizures He has a place once a week at pre school and his daddy said to help Isaac get his skills back he will pay for an extra session each week and he will try and phone me more to see how I am and how Isaac is doing.
I had a mild asthma attack today too much stress hopefuly things will get better.


I used to have a handle on life then it broke.

January 22, 2009
12 Comments

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
So to explain that thought,I was adviced by various people to ask for help with Isaac even if Just a few hours break as 24-7 care of a disabled or sick child takes its toll.I’m entitled to help and support,so I’ve swallowed my pride and fought against my independant I’ll manage streak and asked for a bit of support and help.I’ve been met with a resounding no..ugh
So I accept that but asked why,apparentley even though I’m a single mom I do amazing children,well fed clean all physical and emotional needs met and I don’t meet critiria.In a nut shell if I hurt or neglected my kids then I’d be able to have help support and extra financial help.Apparentle I have got the moral high ground and my children are not disadvantaged by their measuring stick,ok I cant afford holidays and latest x box etc but they have love and support more than alot of children and they know they are loved.

If the children played up and got asbos then they could go on an expenses paid trip to see the x factor,so How Do I explain to my children this theory,that as they are good can’t go on the trip!

So apparentley if I hurt my children or neglect them and I’ll get help and support,but that is never ever going to be an option.As I have told my children people of character do the right thing,not because they think it will change the world but because they refuse to be changed by the world.I’m hoping they will remember this when I tell them later.