Meeeeeeeeeee's Blog

Relief,ramblings and radiation | January 3, 2009

This is a couple of posts in one as I’m not going to be able to get on the pc over the next few days.I’ve got to take the decorations down and put them in the loft and do a bit of shopping and bake cakes,then try and turn my lounge into a pirate themed party room,and rearrange the furniture to make space for 10 young children to play.

Isaac had a seizure in the night which in its self is not good but the relief was he cried out whilst having it,which awoke the whole house and the neurologist had said night seizures can be dangerous if the person doesn’t cry out to alert help as can stop breathing during it and myself and carrie-ann have been taking it in turns to sleep on a futon matress on the floor beside his bed,so now we can try and get some sleep in our own beds and go to check on him whenever a seizure occurs.

whilst I lay awake listening out for him a thought came into my mind that was told to me whilst I was pregnant with Isaac it was told to me by someone who was and still is very special even though he doesn’t think so and doubts himself (one thing that is theraputic to me about blogging is I can and always have put my feelings down without judgement or feeling silly as only a few close friends know my blog and they don’t read it anyway) so I lay and did what he said, he said whilst I lay listening to the children sleep to think of something that I’m not going to elaborate on,so I thought about what he had told me to and it worked as I lay listening to Isaac breathe and that part in between being awake and asleep I was all of a warm glow inside as I remembered feeling special and really happy..which was really nice as only a few times in the past have I ever been made to feel special *sigh* then I drifted off to sleep with all warm feelings inside,and I dreamt about two white kittens,it was a black and white dream and the twin kittens were glowing positively neon white and I was their mom..wonder what freud would make of that?

Whilst I was pregnant with little man,in the last trimester it was a very bumpy and stressful road I had a problem with my liver which could cause still borns and dangerously low Iron which the drs said they wanted to start me early but as my iron was so low I wouldn’t be well enough or strong enough to give birth and a caeserian was also a problem as the amount of blood you can loose during operation I was n’t well enough to attempt and they kept putting back the date for starting me in order to see if my iron would go up,whilst this was enough to stress myself out and was going through mental anguish,what do I do if the child is still born,I really don’t want to make that phonecall to the babies father and I didn’t want him to have to say goodbye to his child before he got to say hello,by the way of letting him know I was burying his child, I was rushed into hospital with a suspected blood clot on the lung and was given injections to thin my blood and they are really painful injections into the muscle and I’m scared of needles after being put on a nebuliser as I was having trouble breathing,I was thinking the baby is going to die if the blood clot moves down towards placenta he will have a stroke or heart attack.
The hospital were more concerned that it could kill me and explained that the hospital policy is preserving actual life not potential life which to a mother who has gone nearly full term means nothing.I had to have a CT scan as a vq scan the safest option for the baby was only done twice weekly and as it was 22nd of december I would have to stay in hospital over a week as it wasn’t going to be available the nurse rang the hospital board and they said must do CT scan even though radiation is a risk to the baby but was saving my life,I’d already coughed up the blood clot and it was broke up by the injections so after the scan which involved dye in a drip and stung and made the baby stressed I went home and spent christmas with my children.
On the 6th of January I had a facial booked it was a special offer £10 for 15 minutes and I though I could lie still propped up slightly for that long did n’t think I would manage 30 minutes so whilst I went to have my facial the children went in a cafe a few doors away and had something to eat.I was shown upstairs and took my coat off and the lady said oh your pregnant,when is it due I said 10 days to which she went I thought you were going to say you had months left your tiny,and said please don’t have it here.I reassured her I wouldn’t as have long labours.The facial was relaxing and I looked nice and glowing we went home and I had a bath and settled down watching tv,I had a pain and thought braxton hix practice contractions and throughout the afternoon had more,during the two of us the singing competition pain was getting worse I looked outside it was freezing and I was laughing at the old man from eastenders dancing and singing and decided it will pass and I’d go to bed,I was supposed to go to hospital early in my labour as they wanted to do a blood test and put a drip in my arm ready for theatre,and in my head the plan was if I leave it to the last minute they would n’t have time to take bloods.I wasn’t in bed long when the pains started coming every five minutes,robin lay on the bed next to me and said shall I ring the hospital I said no carrie-ann rang emma my friend who is a midwife and she came down she told her husband to go home as I was calm and it would be a long time.I explained to emma that I had really horrendous pain in my scar of previous ceaserian and she was concerned as something not right then I had a pain and she timed it and again another one about a two minutes apart,she rang the hospital and told them at this point I’d gone to the toilet and was bleeding slightly and she was ringing a taxi and her husband to come back and take my children around my friends.
The taxi driver was a total idiot he said to emma which way is the hospital and she showed him which turning to take and in the dark she was trying to direct him to a point he knew he was trying to make small talk “oh are you ready to drop”? I think he was panicing that I may give birth in the taxi he couldn’t wait to get me out the car the nearest hospital is 10 miles away maybe more.
The lovely emma ran got a wheelchair and dragged me in it and my case to the lift (what idiot puts labour ward upstairs) and was praying it didn’t break down and gave my details to the midwife on the desk.I went into a delivery room and at this point was still through fear in denial and perched on the edge of bed and said that the pain was in my scar and was probably as scar tissue doesn’t stretch and was sorry for bothering them,she said to emma shes really calm so it will be a long time I’ll go and get my gloves to check her emma agread and said she had said that to her husband.
Sharon the midwife came in and I lay on the bed and she went oh you’ve got a tiny neat little bump it will be a nice little baby and examined me and looked at emma shes 8cms I better get the trolley and handed me the gas and air,after that it was quite hazy it was bang bang bang constant contractions and no time to catch my breath between them then came the Jayne we need to take your blood and put a canula in for theatre to which I shook my head we did a compromise and had blood taken too check iron level but would do canula if needed to not as precaution,i nodded my blood was 9.7 drs said 10 was lowest they would let it be to give birth naturally.I was told later by emma that during labour and in horrendous pain that I said god was punishing me.
In between the gas and air vague feeling I heard the door go and In walked the midwife that had seen me when I was in with the blood clot,I started waving and said hello..I caught snippets of the conversation hows she doing,”shes not making any fuss at all” midwife “aww bless her she was prodded poked and had about 10 needles and she is scared of them and was lovely and sweet” next thing I remember was sharon saying ok Jayne push and I did then again push I said I’ve changed my mind I don’t want a baby i want to go home.which was met with smiles and come on just one more push I can see the head,so I did just that and sharon said to emma oh hes got his hand on his head like he is saluting it’s going to cause problems,they said push and I had to deliver him head arm and elbow can’t describe the pain and tore slightly which needed stitches.As i got my breath heard emma say look at his chubby cheeks to which I laughed and said he looks like his daddy then and sharon said where were you hiding him? up around your ears she weighed him and placed him next to me showing me he had all his fingers and toes then he poohed all over her.
she cleaned him up and emma dressed him in and popped on the hat Nikkipolani had sent and he had his first photo taken,emma said hes got beautiful curly hair,my beautiful baby boy was born 8ib 1/2 oz blue eyes and perfect in every way.
fabby formerly sunshine came to see him and have a cuddle and said he was beautiful and said he looks like his daddy which he does and that is a good thing as his daddy is vey handsome.
He will be two on wednesday and not a day goes by that i don’t thank God for him and tell him I love him,he is a normal toddler ,screaming if he doesn’t get his own way,some moms moan oh the children are naughty and mess bossy etc..I don’t view children that way they all have gifts messy I say explorer bossy? no future leader ,day dreamer? visionary trading lunch at school,entrepenour chatter box? good communicator, all skills that they will need to meet their full potential whatever my son will be in the future he will know hes loved and I’m proud of him and I would lay my life on the line for him.



  1. I love it — you changed your mind midway through birthing! I’m so glad the medical scare was over and you got to bring home your precious son. I can’t believe he was so big given how small you were. Happy birthday (7 Jan) to the dear boy!

    Comment by nikkipolani — January 4, 2009 @ 6:11 am

  2. A lovely, if rather lengthy, post!
    Happy birthday Isaac! xx

    Comment by Flighty — January 5, 2009 @ 6:00 pm

  3. nikki and flighty: so far my pirate gingerbread men look like girls,my pirate made out of balloons thats stands 3 1/2 ft tall looks drunk and keeps falling over carrie-ann made pirate fairy cakes they look good x

    Comment by fraggle — January 6, 2009 @ 9:48 am

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