Meeeeeeeeeee's Blog

my mind wonders and sometimes I loose it completely!

January 30, 2009

Today It has been all too much for me,the dr hadn’t sorted out the necessary paperwork properly or passed the information on to the health visitor,she thought oh a nice easy two year check up,she weighed him he has put his weight back on he had lost due to the medication a side effect is putting weight on,his height is average for a two year old.
She didn’t do any more tests as he has been refered to the child development centre as since he started having his seizures he has lost some previous skills that he had and is showing some autistic traits,which is all pointing towards lennox gastraux syndrome.The health visitor was oblivious to this as none of the drs in the surgery had informed her.various questions were asked does he sleep well,errm all depends if he has a seizure or two in the day then he sleeps nearly all day not so good at night if he has a night seizure or two then he has a broken nights sleep but has a lay in later.Oh I bet you don’t get much sleep *me* no as if he has a seizure I lay awake watching him and checking his breathing if he doesn’t have one I am listening out for him incase he does so don’t get a proper sleep,she said you need some support,so she has put him in a referal so he is in the system.Whilst this was being not sorted but I had to explain again medical history my phone went for the tenth time off Isaacs daddy as I’d not replied what was wrong and why I was upset via texts.I had told him I was too upset to talk to him at the moment which I think made him more determined to speak to me.
After a really horrible couple of days I really was emotional and trying my best to hold things together and thought talking to isaacs daddy wouldn’t do me any good as I’d take things the wrong way and he’d upset me.How wrong I was! he left me a voice mail after about the fifteenth time of phoning me and said I’ve tried contacting you all day as you know this will be my last today as can’t call again so I’ll phone tommorow.
I sat down with the children in the lounge and was chilling as best I could then my phone rang I didn’t recognise the number so I answered in case it was important,it was Isaacs daddy off his works mobile,he was quite frustrated as I’d not answered his phone calls and was worried about me and Isaac we had a chat about Isaacs medication and he agreed that if needed that the riskier option was what we should do for Isaac It was nice to get some input about isaac and a bit of support,he then asked me if I’d got Isaacs bed alarm I said no and he said he would buy one online and have it sent to my house so I could get a bit of sleep and I said because of his seizures in the supermarket and due to the fact that Isaac has lost a few skills since starting seizures He has a place once a week at pre school and his daddy said to help Isaac get his skills back he will pay for an extra session each week and he will try and phone me more to see how I am and how Isaac is doing.
I had a mild asthma attack today too much stress hopefuly things will get better.


support and solutions

January 27, 2009

I’ve sorted out the problem of Isaac having seizures in the supermarket,I’ve got him a place at little springs academy on a monday afternoon It is £7 for the two and half hour session.That will give me time to get to the supermarket do a quick shop and get home and put the shopping away and grab a quick drink before I pick him up.
I took him yesterday to try and get used to it,he had a peg with his name on his has a picture of a truck on for his coat and pumpbag or bag,the majority of the bags were the same thomas the tank engine or iggle piggle and plain red pump bags as that is the only colour the local uniform shop had.It was a mass of red pump bags and as it is confusing I have got him for next week a yellow pump bag with support our troops on,his favourite colour is yellow.
He went in and I sat nearby in the classroom the register was called and the children have a photo with their name on it and it is put on the wall,then they were asked what day it was and what was the weather like and the children put pictures of the sun and clouds on a wall chart,then they can choose what to play or what activity to do.
Isaac was asked by one of the children his name he said Johnny rugby.Bless him just before snack time he fell asleep on the teachers lap so a make shift bed was made out off large cushions and I then went and ran to the supermarket and got a few bits waiting for the phone to ring all the while I was there.
I rushed back and was waiting outside at five minutes past three,they finish at a quater past.He came out covered in red glitter and sand in his ears and I carried him home no soon as I went through the door he went towards the kitchen pointed to the fridge and he had a sandwich.

The doctor has rang me and he wants to discuss something with me regarding Isaac so I have to go on friday afternoon,I have an appointment with the health visitor on friday morning for his two year health check and I’m going to ask her to help me get the support Isaac needs,he is currently engrosed in watching Justin fletcher in something special I’m trying to get him tickets to see him live in the cee beebies show as he gets really excited when he is on tv he can also do the sign language *makaton* that justin does.

We have this Joke when robin is not doing as he is told carrie-ann says we will put him on ebay and he always replies to carrie-ann I’d get lots of bidders you’d make 99p if We put you on.Robin was not eating his tea last night and was playing with his food and I asked him to stop playing and eat it.Isaac turned round and pointed his little finger at him and said you beebay.He couldn’t eat his food for laughing.

Best laid plans!

January 25, 2009

How quick has this month gone!
I have tentatively made plans for february during half term.

o having my hair trimmed.
o six nations rugby watching on tv.
o valentines day= my birthday not celebrating valentines as nobody loves me lol
may treat myself to a takeaway and watch matt stevens play rugby yumm
o take the children ten pin bowling
o Do some gardening
o Go to pets corner and see the animals
o And the dreaded trip to hospital with Isaac

I need to do some decorating but I don’t have the energy so it can wait.

I used to have a handle on life then it broke.

January 22, 2009

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
So to explain that thought,I was adviced by various people to ask for help with Isaac even if Just a few hours break as 24-7 care of a disabled or sick child takes its toll.I’m entitled to help and support,so I’ve swallowed my pride and fought against my independant I’ll manage streak and asked for a bit of support and help.I’ve been met with a resounding no..ugh
So I accept that but asked why,apparentley even though I’m a single mom I do amazing children,well fed clean all physical and emotional needs met and I don’t meet critiria.In a nut shell if I hurt or neglected my kids then I’d be able to have help support and extra financial help.Apparentle I have got the moral high ground and my children are not disadvantaged by their measuring stick,ok I cant afford holidays and latest x box etc but they have love and support more than alot of children and they know they are loved.

If the children played up and got asbos then they could go on an expenses paid trip to see the x factor,so How Do I explain to my children this theory,that as they are good can’t go on the trip!

So apparentley if I hurt my children or neglect them and I’ll get help and support,but that is never ever going to be an option.As I have told my children people of character do the right thing,not because they think it will change the world but because they refuse to be changed by the world.I’m hoping they will remember this when I tell them later.

The good the bad and the uncontrolable

January 20, 2009

I’m not going to say much about yesterday as it was as stressful as I’d imagined and I also now have to take the riskier option regarding Isaac..
The lovely Joanne sat with me as I clock watched having random conversations like I text you last week and asked you out and you never replied,to which I had text I couldn’t and ask paula,she was adamant i’d not replied and this conversation was yes I did no you didn’t for a few minutes.I think she was trying to take my mind off worrying about how Isaac was by having silly random conversations about anything that popped into her head.
Robin came home from school stressed as they had changed the timetables and classes and he was put in the special needs class as they had mixed abilities to start with.He was upset saying they think I’m stupid but I get all the answers right the teacher asks I just can’t read or write very well,so I had to console him that they probably moved him so it would be less stress for him,he said well their the stupid ones then I’m more stressed now.
Carrie-ann has exams today and has had a letter to go to bangor university for a residential she is doing babysitting to save towards university,she is a tag rugby coach for youngsters so that has given her more ucas points.

My phone is on silent as little man is asleep he had a small seizure in the supermarket,(I think its the lights in there) he is usually tired and achey after a seizure,and I’m having a drink and a gingernut biscuit then I’m going to reply to the texts I had asking how Isaac was yesterday.

Hey look out world here I come!

January 17, 2009

That ref shouldn't have sent me off.I hate adminoh no bustedblog babyI wonder what little man will be ? A blogger maybe,Rugby player for england or the next prime minister?

feel good friday

January 16, 2009

I’m going to stop worrying about monday and try to keep cheerful
I’m not going to feel guilty about things as it’s a negative emotion that stops you putting things that need to be done into action,feeling guilty about things doesn’t make me a good person it’s the rectifying of the things that i’m doing wrong that makes me a better person not realising I’m doing something wrong and doing nothing about it.
so with the desicions I have made regarding Isaacs health and welfare have been made and to the best of my instincts and with a lot of help from above.

Things that I feel good about today.

My broken big toe is not as painful and can walk about a bit better.

I can correspond with people again,so far this week I couldn’t comment on blogs as was being blocked as spam,my pc wouldn’t let me log onto my email account and everytime I text my friend it said communication error or nobody replied.

my house is messy with school and college books on my dining table,at least my children are in the house safe and studying rather than hanging around the streets causing annoyance to people.

Isaac gave me a big cuddle.

Desicions desicions.

January 13, 2009

Isaac had three seizures last night so little or no sleep for me,his medication has been upped again today,so we are currently discussing adding a third type of drugs.
I’ve had to make a couple of desicions regarding his health and welfare this week and am having to balance out short term solutions with longterm effects and some that will cause him distress for a short while but may in the long term be an advantage.
It’s not easy knowing what to do for the best and proffessionals have one view of the situation and can advise but ultimatley ,The desicion rests on the parents shoulders.
I’ve made one desicion and am praying it is the best one for Isaac,I’ll spend monday pacing the floor and crying lots of crying,and stressing “sigh”

The second desicion I’m still trying to get my head round and it’s just circling around my head.

As I’m trying to keep my blog positive and I’ll end on a positive note Robin has got a letter off the headmistress saying he was nominated by teaching staff as being the smartest in his school uniform,and a good role model to how smart a uniform can look,he has also got his diamond award for having 90 merits for hard work.

Plus one

January 11, 2009

It’s my birthday in a few weeks and I had the perfect birthday planned,I’d been offered two tickets to see england play at twickenham but needed to confirm by the thursday if I wanted them,I’d got the money saved up and was looking forward to it as I don’t normaly celebrate my birthday,so I text everbody In my mobile whom I thought may come with me as I didn’t want to travel on my own and as I don’t drive I’d either go by train or national express or pay the petrol expenses of whoever came along.
If i’d taken carrie-ann robin would have moaned and visa-versa so it would save arguements and the children were fine with arrangements and they would watch it on tv.You’d think it would be easy to find someone who would get a ticket paid for to see the rugby,no such luck.Ok my birthday is on valentines day so as I’m the only single one of my friends,and their brothers etc were working or don’t like rugby.

So I’ve let someone else have the tickets and will be watching the match on tv.

One of my really good friends Joanne is getting married this year,her first marriage his second he is a lovely guy and I’ve promised I will attend,but I need a plus one ugh..I know that they will expect me to turn up alone as I’ve attended all functions,parties and weddings over the past five years alone and if I turned up with a plus one they would be so shocked..If I can’t get anyone to escort me to a rugby match then how on earth am I going to get someone to escort me to a wedding??

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pirate posse

January 7, 2009

Isaacs Birthday party went well 15 children came and all had a great time,I’ll do a private post and give my friends passwords so they can see more details and pictures as I cant put photos up on the internet without parents permission,but as it is to be shared by friends and private I can post them that way.

The lovely jo-jo had got the pinata and put last few sweets and toys inside and her ring came off,she was panicing luckily she found it near the top opening,shes lovely but a bit ditsy I said before the party started what other games can we play with the children as pass parcel,treasure hunt and pinata are sorted she suggested musical statues and that we could judge own children as it would be biasedism,I replied how on
earth will a two year old stand still for musical statues and biasedism isn’t a real word,bless her she puts ism or ified at the end of quite a few words eg randomified.


The food was a success after carrie-anns three hour baking marathon and everyone remarked how even the food was in keeping with the pirate theme.


A tired but happy child not only did he have candles on his cake but a number two shaped indoor sparkler,all the kids went wow they thought it was great.

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